Reading People

Any trait that is extreme or that deviates from the norm is worth special attention. The same is true of any trait—either appearance or action—that is inappropriate for a particular occasion.

A tank top may be fine at the company picnic, but not at the company Christmas party or in the office. A conservative suit says one thing about a person when worn to church, quite another if worn to a child's Saturday morning soccer game. And a big smile and a slap on the back may be called for at a retirement party, but would raise questions at a funeral. Be careful to stay objective. An unusually short skirt worn to a conservative job interview would raise eyebrows. The woman's good sense, her understanding of appropriate office behavior, and the reasons why she would choose attire that might sexualize the interview all deserve your attention.

But the same skirt worn out to dinner with her boyfriend would not deserve the same scrutiny unless it was so revealing that it was remarkable even for that occasion. The difference doesn't lie in whether you personally approve of short skirts, but in whether they are appropriate attire for a certain situation. If you evaluate her attire solely on the basis of your own tastes or moral standards, you won't learn much about her character, except that the two of you don't share the same attitude toward short dresses.

The same can be said about behavior. You may be very reserved personally and uncomfortable with loud, outgoing types; and there are certainly times when familiar behavior or boisterous conduct would be inappropriate by most people's standards. But if you measure others' behavior by yours alone, you won't learn much about who they are, only that they aren't just like you. So measure people's behavior by what is normally considered appropriate conduct. If, by that standard, someone's behavior is still extraordinary, you should wonder why.