Reading People

It may seem logical that a person's degree of compassion and her socioeconomic background would be among the three key predictive traits. The importance of the third key characteristic—satisfaction with life— might not seem so obvious. But it almost always has a wide-ranging effect on how people think and how they treat others.

Personal or professional success can't be measured on an absolute scale. One person always dreamed of becoming a doctor, but never made it through medical school. She became a nurse instead. Another has struggled to overcome huge obstacles and has achieved her lifelong goal of becoming a nurse. The second will see life through the eyes of a successful person, while her colleague feels like a loser.

Financial success, too, must be measured in light of the individual's expectations. Someone who dreams of wealth and has set his sights on earning a million dollars a year will be horribly disappointed with a $50,000-a-year salary. Another, who never dreamed of making half that much, might view that same $50,000 job as an achievement beyond his wildest imagination. He will think, "Life is great," and act accordingly. Over the years, after paying particularly close attention to this characteristic, I have found that people who have achieved their goals tend to believe in personal accountability and responsibility. They tend to be more compassionate, supportive, at peace with themselves and others, and optimistic. They also tend to be more forgiving, hardworking, and industrious.

Those who have not achieved their goals often have a victim mentality. They can be quick to place blame on others and may be bitter, angry, negative, pessimistic, and vengeful. Usually, they are less industrious and more critical and cynical than achievers.

Like the other key predictive traits—compassion and socioeconomic background—the degree of someone's satisfaction with life tells me more than I could learn from any number of other traits. And it's usually not difficult to find out how satisfied someone is. A few simple questions, such as "What did you want to be when you were in high school?" or "How do you like your job?" or "If you could change your life, what would you do?" will usually prompt responses that make it clear whether someone has achieved personal success. That information will be another key piece in the puzzle you are assembling.